Sim got choked up when recounting the experience, as she empathised with what Lim had to go through emotionally. It carried on for quite a while to the point when my mother really said ‘Cannot, I cannot already.’ It’s between my mother’s welfare and psychological well being, versus my uncle’s dignity.” “Initially we still continue to let uncle dirty the kitchen and the toilets, as it is still manageable. Photo courtesy of Micki Simĭespite the pair dedicating more time to care for Lim, the work of the caregivers does not get easier.Ĭonvincing Lim to wear adult diapers to manage his incontinence while maintaining Lim’s dignity was an issue Sim struggled with greatly.
Lim’s vision and mobility has deteriorated over the years, and Sim’s mother often has to hold on to him wherever they go to prevent him from falling. Meanwhile, Sim’s mother also quit her job as a cook at a childcare centre in order to be able to care for Lim full-time. That was the turning point for Sim, and she made the decision to quit her volunteering work to be more involved in Lim’s care.
The stress of having to care for and manage Lim took a toll on Sim’s mother, and the latter would cry to Sim about her struggles. Additionally, Lim would protest about taking a shower, or eating three meals a day, forcing Sim’s mother to continuously coax him to go about his day-to-day activities. However, he refused to wear a diaper, and the toilet and kitchen would always be soiled. The elderly man also started to become incontinent, and would lose control of his bowels before making it to the toilet. These were the quieter signs that Lim was slowly slipping under the grasp of dementia. This was particularly drastic for Lim who gradually grew increasingly withdrawn, despite being a jovial and talkative man. What Sim and her mother were unaware of in the beginning were the varied and lesser-known dimensions to dementia.Īside from memory loss, people with dementia experience a loss of orientation, such as forgetting where they are, or misremembering places which used to be familiar to them.Ī distinct change in personality can also occur. “We watch a lot of shows, which emphasises so much on memory loss, but he can still remember so many things, so to us it couldn’t be that he has dementia.” Other symptoms of dementia “We just say, cannot be, must be the doctor say wrongly,” Sim recalled about their doubtful reactions. Sim and her mother only realised that something was amiss when Lim would repeatedly ask the same questions.įor example, when Sim had left the house, Lim would ask her mother if she had returned home, only to forget her answer and ask the exact same question a while later.Ī visit to the doctor confirmed that Lim was indeed starting to suffer from dementia, but Sim and her mother initially remained disbelieving despite the doctor’s diagnosis. The elderly man was still healthy, working, and able to live independently despite his age. Its onset can sometimes be more insidious, and it had started to creep up on Lim in 2018. Photo courtesy of Micki Simĭementia isn’t always a sudden illness that raps on your door one day. Micki’s mother’s 60th birthday in 2008, before Uncle Lim was diagnosed with dementia.
Ultimately, it came to a point where the trio simply decided to “come together as a family”, as they moved to another flat. Since Sim was 14 years old, Lim would chip in to pay for her education and help out around the household. Lim used to be their neighbour, and as Sim grew up in a single-parent family in a rental flat, the older man became a guardian of sorts. Lim, the family friend, isn’t related to Sim or her mother by blood but the make-shift family of three is a close-knitted one. “I’m a social worker myself, and having my own family struggling with the care for person with dementia…wa…it’s really… I feel very sad.” From neighbour to part of the family These were the words Micki Sim’s mother uttered to her when she was at her wits’ end after several months of struggling to care for their 90-year-old family friend who suffers from dementia.Ĥ2-year-old Sim, who is a senior social worker at Montfort Care – which runs a network of social service programmes and services – was stunned by her mother’s confession.
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